


trapped in a loop

by mellifluous (TpLoz)



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, I wrote it nearly a year ago and it made me cry, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Mythology - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sick Character, Tags May Change, Temporary Character Death, kinda OOC, sorry to my fellow fluff squad, this first chapter is SAD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 13:04:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21209003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TpLoz/pseuds/mellifluous
Summary: A withering flower that has given too much can revive with just the right amount of care, or in this case, with a mythical being on their side.





	trapped in a loop

Death is something not easily conquered, or so Youngbin thought. You see, when the doctor told him he had barely 3 weeks left to live, he began to cry, but not for himself. 

SF9 was something he has funnelled his dreams and hopes into, and over the years the boys had burrowed their way into his heart and soul until he wasn’t living for just himself anymore. 

And so, the anguish he felt, was for them. He knew the news would shock them, would turn their worlds upside down. It would be a big change for them, and so he didn’t want to tell them yet. He smiled at them and hugged them as if it was his last day on earth, but that’s how it always was so they didn’t pick up on anything.

The next day their visit was slowly approaching and Youngbin dreaded it. His chest felt immensely tight already due to his illness, but with the thoughts of breaking the news, he could hardly breathe.

He was trapped in panicked thought when a loud voice breached through.

“Kim Youngbin.” A man with a slight beard and greying hair leaned against the door. He was dressed casually in a touristy turquoise t-shirt that said 王 and faded blue jeans.

The man grinned at Youngbin, taking in his sickly appearance. “You can call me Yan. I suppose you could say I have an interest in the deceased,” he paused to stare at Youngbin pointedly, “and the ‘to be’ deceased.”

Youngbin was baffled by the man. One second there was no one at the door and then suddenly there’s a stranger, who knows his name. Maybe it was the morphine, but it hadn’t caused any hallucinations thus far.

“And your point is?” Youngbin’s voice was strained and weak at this point. His hospital gown draped loosely over his thinning frame and sickly skin, and the bed felt as if it was swallowing him.

“I’m here to give you a chance to, well, not die.” He pushed away from the door he was leaning against and stepped towards Youngbin. “So, will you take it or not?”

Youngbin huffed out a laugh in disbelief, which triggered a coughing fit. After regaining composure, he took a shaky breath. “What are you talking about? Nothing is simply fixed like that. Life is not that simple.” 

“I’m not a hallucination Youngbin. You have been a very good boy.” Yan conjured a scroll out of thin air causing Youngbin to gape in shock. “You’ve saved 17 lives, some of these people are from your former group. You’ve stopped accidents left and right. You’ve generously helped the homeless. And yet, here you are in a hospital bed with less than 3 weeks to live.” He tutted. “Youngbiiiin. You shouldn’t have given all that karma away. Sure, you may love Chani like a son, but you would have saved your own life if you weren’t so goddamn protective.” Yan sneezed and instantly giggled. “I guess I shouldn’t have used that curse.”

Youngbin just stared in confusion. Who let this crackhead in here?

“Who let this crackhead in here?” Yan chuckled and clapped his hands together, “I let myself in, of course.”

His laugh sent shivers down Youngbin’s spine, “H-how--?”

“How did I know what you were thinking? C’mon Youngbin! You’re smarter than you let on. How else would you have dealt with those boys when you were their leader?” He pranced around in excitement before standing in the middle of the open space with his arms out.

“There’s more to this world than kpop you know!” 

Youngbin felt increasingly worried that his suspicions were correct, that this man was indeed a deity. At first, he thought the t-shirt was just a crappy novelty t-shirt you’d find near the palace but the 王 (meaning king) was there for a reason.

“Ah! You noticed my t-shirt! I had to ditch the old getup to fit in with modern times, makes it easier to pretend I'm a human.” He brushed off some invisible dust from it. “But yes, I am the god of death. And I am here to offer you a wish. You see, because you’ve built up so much good karma, you’d screw up the system I have. You can’t live in paradise forever Youngbin, and that extra something has to be exchanged somehow.”

Youngbin pondered for a moment. A wish? “Can it be anything?”

Yan nodded enthusiastically, “I encourage thought into this. Although curing your illness would be most convenient. But,” he pointed to the television on the wall which lit up with the words Balance is key. “Balance is everything in this line of work, trust me, I’ve been doing this for a very long time.”

A spark of a distant memory flew through Youngbin’s mind. “Y-you remind me of someone.” His charismatic charm and fluidity had him thinking of only one person.

“Ah, Dawon? Yes, yes. A very charming man. He nearly charmed the pants off me in the waiting room.” He sent Youngbin a knowing look that had him laughing and then gasping for breath again.

Yan cringed. “Oh yikes, can I please get rid of that?” 

“If you want.” Youngbin raised a single eyebrow at him before suddenly his chest felt a little less tight. 

“Sneaky, sneaky. I know that wasn’t a wish sir, but I relieved it somewhat anyway.” He wagged his finger at Youngbin causing him to smile softly.

“I-” Youngbin faltered, finding it harder to speak than when he could barely breathe a few seconds ago. “I think I know what I want to wish for.”

Yan’s face fell. “Oh no. Are you always this self-sacrificing?”

“You know that you’re asking for a lot, right? If you wish for this- your disease will progress quicker and-”

“It’s what I want.” Youngbin wrung his hands. He always felt guilty when his steps began to falter, when his moods began to sway, when his voice began to fade. He wanted them to be happy and to not have to worry about their lives being incomplete because he can’t lead them. He wants Seokwoo to be a confident leader. And for Sanghyuk to gain more confidence in himself. And for Taeyang to stop being so hard on himself. He wants so much for them all, and so his wish needs to reflect that, “I wish for SF9 to be strong, even when I’m gone. For them to be happy and not filled with any worries. For the world to acknowledge their talents. I wish for their dreams to come true, even if I’m not here to guide them.” He looks back up at Yan who looks mournful at hearing his wish. 

“Okay. I will grant your wish. But before I do, I think the eavesdropper has something to say to you.” He stepped back a few steps allowing Youngbin to see Chani standing in the doorway with tears streaming down his face.

“H-hyung? You’re dying?” His voice cracked at the end.

“Chani, I-” Youngbin was at a loss for words, especially at the look on the younger boy’s face.

Chani briskly walked to Youngbin’s bedside where he wrapped his arms around Youngbin’s torso and held on for dear life. “You can’t die! You can’t!”

Youngbin pet his head, trying to keep his own tears back. “It’ll be okay Chani, it’ll be okay.” 

Chani began to cry harder at the obvious lie. “D-don’t l-lie to me h-h-hyungg.” He pulled back slightly to look at Youngbin’s caring face. “Stop! Don’t look like that when you’re about to leave me.” 

Arms wrapped around Chani, trying desperately to break his steel grip.

“Chani. Chani! You’re hurting him.” Rowoon spoke softly to him, yet with a tone of finality.

Chani whipped around, crying angry tears and pushed Rowoon out of his way. “I hate you!” He left the room but only went so far as to lean against and then slide down the wall to sob his heart out. 

Rowoon, surrounded by the others, looked back at Youngbin with hurt in his eyes. “Were you going to tell us? That it’s - terminal?” 

Youngbin looked down at his hands, “I was going to tell you all tomorrow. I only found out yesterday.” 

Juho broke into sobs and pushed forward through the shocked boys to sit behind Youngbin. He placed his forehead on Youngbin’s shoulder and enveloped him in a hug all while sobbing into his shoulder. “H-hyung.”

Youngbin placed his hand over one of Juho’s and embraced Sanghyuk in a one-armed embrace as he climbed onto the bed, also sobbing. 

Soon enough, Youngbin had all 8 of them on the hospital bed with him, cuddling into him in some shape or form. Chani had come back into the room after he calmed down a bit and saw the others beginning to cuddle their sick leader; technically the news about Youngbin hadn’t been released to the public yet and probably wasn’t going to be until he passed away, and so Seokwoo was dubbed their substitute leader. Yan had stepped out of the room for a while to give them privacy, or at least the illusion of it.

“I love you all so much, I’d never keep it from you forever. I just needed time to adjust.” 

“We know hyung, we forgive you.” Taeyang was snuggling Youngbin’s left leg awkwardly, yet contentedly. 

“We’re here for you Youngbin-ah.” Inseong was holding his hand.

Hwiyoung and Jaeyoon stayed silent the entire time until it was time to leave.

Hwiyoung pulled Youngbin into a hug and whispered “I love you hyung,” before letting go to wipe the tears from his eyes. Youngbin gave him a gentle smile and said, “Follow your dreams Hwiyoung. And be your own person, it suits you.” Hwiyoung could only give a teary smile towards Youngbin - afraid he’d break down into tears again - and slowly walked into Inseong’s arms.

Jaeyoon, who often kept his emotions to himself, held a look of fear on his face. “Why you?” He bit his lip and sucked in a breath. “Why does it have to be you? Youngbin… what am I supposed to do without your encouraging smile? Or your encouraging words?” His voice cracked on the last word.

Youngbin gently took Jaeyoon’s strong hands in his frail ones before softly smiling. “Jaeyoon, you are so strong, you always have been. All you have to do is remember me. I’ll always be there for you, just like I always have been.”

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so hello again! I haven't posted anything in so long!!! As you may have read in the tags, I wrote this nearly a year ago. I wanted to post it completed but I haven't quite gotten there yet. I hope to keep this to about 3 chapters at most, so hopefully, after midterms this week, I'll be able to devote some attention to this! :D Let me know what you think! 
> 
> (Also shoutout to Nadia (and sch) who has been kept in suspense about this for the past year jhdjkhd)


End file.
